Ever since I can remember (which is sometimes only up to a few minutes ago) I have disliked exercise-- except when accompanied by alcohol. Not only did alcohol make certain sports bearable, it also made them darn fun. Here are some of my recollections from high school and college:
● Golf
While golf is one of those rare no-pain/some-gain sports, like bowling, it sucks up a lot of time. And nothing is more frustrating than getting on the green with a few elegant drives, only to go way over par with sub-par putting. Liquor has the unusual property of dilating time and making going way over par funny. Plus, it fits nicely in golf bags.
● Tennis
I somewhat enjoyed tennis growing up, but Beer Ball was much more fun. You lob the tennis ball as high as possible and run to the sidelines for a sip of beer while your opponent lobs back to you. Fun fact #1: I played this a lot at the LA college where Van Halen formed. Fun fact #2: I once tried hiding brandy inside a tennis ball for a senior high school trip--the brandy ate through the glue holding the ball together and soaked the other balls.
● Skiing
For someone who hates being cold as much as I do, skiing can be pretty darn miserable--unless you have a goat skin full of wine, that is. Each ski trip I took involved more drinking and less skiing, culminating in a college adventure where I spent one long weekend in a condo drinking beer, smoking hashish, and watching a Dark Shadows marathon after just a single run on the slopes.
● Softball
Few things go better together than softball and a keg of beer. We regularly played softball with beer in my senior year of high school. One or both teams were called "The Nads" just so we could maturely cheer "Go, Nads!". Fun fact: Michael J. Fox once asked me for beer at a softball game (several years after high school), even though it wasn't my beer.
● Football
Tackle football with a keg of beer and without any protective equipment was probably a bad idea, but my off-campus college mates did it anyway. I made things worse by running with the ball directly at the opposing team with a wild look in my eye, to the point where my team would just give me the ball whenever desperate measures were called for. Alcohol certainly took the edge off the pain, though it didn't make us bleed any less.
● Morning routine
I don't have time for any games or sports nowadays, but I can't start the day without my stretching and exercise routine. I start super groggy and stiff, and finish alert and limber an hour later. If I drink 2 oz of whisky when I wake up, however, I start alert and limber, and finish with grand delusions 30-45 minutes later.
[+] What I Consumed Since Last Post ...
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